The Stages of Parenting

Parenting With a Plan

When we know where we are, we know what to expect.
We don’t have to wonder how to best parent our kids—we can parent with a plan.

In 1981, Ellen Galinsky proposed six stages of parenting based on child development. Over the years, many parenting experts have adapted this framework, but this six-stage model is rooted in Galinsky’s original work. Each stage is unique, and understanding the stages helps us set both ourselves and our children up for success.

Nurturing Stage | Birth–About Age 1

During this stage, babies are dependent on us for everything. Their primary need is to know they are safe. Our job is to create a calm, secure environment and consistently meet their needs.

Big Questions:
Am I safe? Who will meet my needs?

Big Answers:
We create a calm environment, consistently meet their needs, and interact lovingly through eye contact, gentle touch, curiosity, and warm facial expressions.

Big Goal:
Develop a secure attachment.

Secure attachment forms the foundation for healthy emotional development. Even if you missed parts of this stage or feel guarded emotionally, secure attachment can still be fostered later through intentional, consistent connection.

Boundaries Stage | Ages 1–5

This is the stage where children begin testing limits—and that’s not only normal, it’s necessary. Our role is to set clear, consistent boundaries and establish ourselves as the authority.

Big Questions:
What can I do? Where can I go? Who is in charge?

Big Answers:
We establish boundaries and authority through consistency, follow-through, and clear expectations.

Big Goal:
Establish authority.

Boundaries help children feel safe and allow them to explore the world with confidence. If boundaries were inconsistent early on, it’s never too late to begin—children of all ages still need structure and guidance delivered with love.

Teaching Stage | Ages 6–11

In this stage, we begin teaching the heart of our children. They are full of questions—more than we can imagine—and this is the time to give them the why behind the what.

Big Questions:
Why???

Big Answers:
We focus on authentic conversations, explanation, and deeper connection.

Big Goal:
Train the heart.

During this stage, our connection begins shifting from primarily physical to relational. Even if this stage felt rushed or missed, curiosity and intentional conversation can still strengthen the relationship.

Coaching Stage | Ages 12–18

This is the stage where we begin stepping back. We move into the role of coach—giving advice while allowing our teens to make decisions and experience the consequences of those decisions.

Big Questions:
What is my place in the world? What are my responsibilities? Where can I find freedom?

Big Answers:
We begin transferring responsibility and decision-making to our child and give freedoms strategically.

Big Goal:
Parent through influence.

Parenting shifts from rules and consequences to conversations and trust. Even if this didn’t happen smoothly, influence can still be rebuilt through listening, consistency, and respect.

Mentoring Stage | Age 18–Early Adulthood

Once our kids reach adulthood, they should be living their own lives. Our role becomes one of mentor—offering guidance when asked and reassurance without judgment.

Big Questions:
Am I getting this right?

Big Answers:
We reassure our kids through early adulthood, offer advice when asked, and avoid judging their decisions.

Big Goal:
Use your influence wisely.

Even if there has been distance, a meaningful connection can still be built through humility, respect for autonomy, and a steady presence.

Friendship Stage | Adulthood

In this final stage, our children become more like peers. While we will always hold the title and place of honor as parents, we no longer hold or wield power over them.

Big Questions:
Can we be friends?

Big Answers:
Yes—we can.

Big Goal:
Balance of power.

Like a former president who retains honor without authority, our relationship is built on mutual respect, enjoyment, and shared life.

A Final Encouragement

Our kids are unique—and so are we. The ages and timing of each stage will look different for every family. What matters most is understanding the season you’re in so you can parent with intention instead of fear.

When we know where we are, we don’t have to guess how to move forward.
We can parent with clarity, confidence, and peace.